a year of loss, patience, and growing

2011 kind of kicked my ass. I’ll admit it. I am not one bit sad to see it go.

The losses were hard. Not that loss is ever easy, but I never expected to lose so many wonderful people in my life. Cyndee, my Grandma Krank, my Grandma Barnhart… there is not a day that goes by where I don’t think of them or miss them terribly. It’s painful to think of just how big the void in our family is without their physical presence.

This was the year we went forward with our plan to have more children. Never in a million years, did I think we would be wanting more little people running through the house, but over the years, we have grown to love the chaos, the loudness, and the crazy. Justin had surgery in March, but that story is best left to be told face-to-face, preferably while consuming alcohol. If you’re lucky, he will probably show you photos, too.

No luck with making babies, yet, but we will keep on trying! If anything, this whole journey has taught us much about patience and strengthened our marriage. We have opened our eyes to the possibility of adoption and foster care, not as second-best, but because we have taken time to see, learn and realize that our hearts have more room than we ever thought possible. We have so much love to give to more children, children who otherwise might not ever experience the love of a family.

The spring was filled with sadness, anger, and shock as we learned of certain betrayals. It was not easy making the decision we did, to cut people out of our lives completely, but it was necessary to protect our family. There are just so many chances you can give someone before you say no more to the hurt. Our family is stronger because of it. We’ve grown. We have become closer.

Having our oldest kid home the past few weeks, on Christmas break… we know that we made the right decision in sending him to boarding school. He is changing, we are changing… the tension, the anger, and the hurt on both sides, it’s better. So much better. He is excelling in school and has been given opportunities that he would not otherwise have been given, had we kept him home this year.

2011 has grounded us and strengthened our family. We have learned once again to take nothing for granted.

“She turned her cant’s into cans, and her dreams into plans.”

“Some people come into your life as blessings, others come in your life as lessons.”