loves me…

How sweet is this?

just be.

I sit here on my favorite corduroy chair with my warm blanket and a steaming mug of coffee, with a computer on my lap and a cat at my feet. The kids have just been whooshed outside to meet the bus at the end of the driveway, and I sit as I do every morning for a short time. This is the most peaceful time of my day. So quiet. So un-chaotic. I love the chaos {most of the time}, but sometimes it’s lovely to just be.

I think about how I arrived at this place in my life. Many, many mistakes and lots of hasty decisions. It’s so odd to think that if I had just made one different decision all those years ago, my life may have veered off on such a different path. But, all of those decisions and mistakes added up to be so right.

I am blessed with an awesome husband, who has put up with me and my quirks for over a dozen years {not to say that he doesn’t have his!}. Children who know they are loved, get it, and are able to pass this love onto so many others. Some may think our hearts and house are overflowing, but we have so much more to give. We will open our doors {and hearts} to those children that may not know this kind of nurture. My family will be the love, acceptance, and stability that they need to thrive. I’m excited {and nervous} to see what our new journey will bring.

 

 

Linking up with Just Write.

 

a year of loss, patience, and growing

2011 kind of kicked my ass. I’ll admit it. I am not one bit sad to see it go.

The losses were hard. Not that loss is ever easy, but I never expected to lose so many wonderful people in my life. Cyndee, my Grandma Krank, my Grandma Barnhart… there is not a day that goes by where I don’t think of them or miss them terribly. It’s painful to think of just how big the void in our family is without their physical presence.

This was the year we went forward with our plan to have more children. Never in a million years, did I think we would be wanting more little people running through the house, but over the years, we have grown to love the chaos, the loudness, and the crazy. Justin had surgery in March, but that story is best left to be told face-to-face, preferably while consuming alcohol. If you’re lucky, he will probably show you photos, too.

No luck with making babies, yet, but we will keep on trying! If anything, this whole journey has taught us much about patience and strengthened our marriage. We have opened our eyes to the possibility of adoption and foster care, not as second-best, but because we have taken time to see, learn and realize that our hearts have more room than we ever thought possible. We have so much love to give to more children, children who otherwise might not ever experience the love of a family.

The spring was filled with sadness, anger, and shock as we learned of certain betrayals. It was not easy making the decision we did, to cut people out of our lives completely, but it was necessary to protect our family. There are just so many chances you can give someone before you say no more to the hurt. Our family is stronger because of it. We’ve grown. We have become closer.

Having our oldest kid home the past few weeks, on Christmas break… we know that we made the right decision in sending him to boarding school. He is changing, we are changing… the tension, the anger, and the hurt on both sides, it’s better. So much better. He is excelling in school and has been given opportunities that he would not otherwise have been given, had we kept him home this year.

2011 has grounded us and strengthened our family. We have learned once again to take nothing for granted.

“She turned her cant’s into cans, and her dreams into plans.”

“Some people come into your life as blessings, others come in your life as lessons.”

ash-balloon

two days

watch. love. share.

{thank you}

it’s the little things.

her hero

My daughter came home last week and said she had a big project due for school — The Hero Project. She couldn’t tell me who she chose and it was “top secret” around these parts all week long as she printed photo after photo and typed and glued until late at night.

Now, she probably just wants to score some extra points with me or for me to buy her those neon jeans she’s been dying for, but OH MY HEART. So cute.

i think i will forgive her for calling me crazy.


I.Love.Her.

 

 

My twins are raising money for charity: water, and would be so happy if you could help:
Ashton’s Thrilling Drilling Campaign
Bridger’s Clean Water for Christmas Campaign

three

three months

three beautiful women that i love so much, lost.

my heart is so

h

e

a

v

y

i know in my mind that it’s

better

that they are no longer in pain,

but my heart isn’t ready to listen just yet.

 

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balloons to heaven

yesterday was a very special lady’s birthday.

the kids and i each selected the most perfect balloon,

IMG_0239

penned a special message,

IMG_0238

and released them to the heavens.

cyndee-balloons-3

the sky swept them up

yellow-balloon

and we ran to the front of the house

we watched and watched

yellow-balloon-2

until they were lifted beyond the clouds.

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what really matters.

cancer did not defeat her,
it allowed her superhero to shine through.

we said our goodbyes to my beautiful aunt this past week.

it was heart-wrenching and lovely.

i know she was smiling down on us.

have i told you how wonderful my family is?

they are.

amazing.

you need not be blood to be a part of the awesome.

it makes my heart happy to hear my husband say how great we are,

and that he can feel like he truly belongs,

when his other family shut the door on us years ago.

we are not a perfect family by any means,

but we have big hearts,

and big laughs,

and lots of love.

{that’s what matters.}

for Cyndee.

you have taught me that a giggle can wash away a bad day in only seconds,
that a positive attitude can change the path of the world.

toyacyndee (1 of 1)-2

me-cyndee-megan

looking at you and Al, i know that soul mates exist and true love goes on forever.

cynal

i have watched you love on my children since the day they were born, and they know that you are made of awesome.

cyndee-ave

cyndee-kane

we have loved your fun ideas, crafts, treats, and goodies. i only wish i inherited that talent. i may or may not be drooling just thinking of your hot pickle mix.

i have learned that cookies and cream liquor + butterscotch schnapps is pretty damn delicious. {after i was of legal drinking age, of course. cough.} trick-or-treating at your house was always the best because you didn’t forget about us big kids.

but if you drink too much, you run a risk of waking up feeling not-so-hot from the bad shrimp. {damn shrimp}

My Favorite Girls

and that a four-wheeler ride is so much better if you find puddles and mud. the bigger the puddle, the better.

i can’t tell you how much i am going to miss our bunkhouse days. those are my most favorite days. ever. the r bar is just not going to be the same without you.

Bunkhouse

alpertfamily1

your strength was amazing. inspiring. and you kept your Krank stubbornness until the very end. {i do believe i did get that trait}

cyndee-grandpa

your sunshine will live on.

sunflare

you were loved.
you are loved.
you will {always} be loved.

yesterday is history,
tomorrow is a mystery,
but today is a gift.